Friday, January 29, 2010

Finally decided on a New Years Resolution

As with each New Year, I set out a few resolutions. One of them includes not feeling guilty about what I eat. I know who has a resolution about not feeling guilty about what they eat? The typical New Year's resolution might refer to starting/staying on a diet or losing a few pounds. Sure, I would love to lose a few pounds, and I will, so I didn't set that as a resolution because I know it WILL happen. It isn’t a challenge.




Today, I had a mini-breakthrough. I have been reading the book Eat What You Love; Love What You Eat by Michelle May M.D. (awesome non dieting book). I have only read the first few chapters thus far, but I have been able to get to the surface of some of the reasons I obsess about food. I will admit. I DO obsess about food. I use to think of it constantly, and I am more in tune to catch myself doing it now. For example, the minute I wake up I think about what I will have for breakfast because I’m hungry. As soon as I have finished breakfast I’m thinking about lunch and dinner .. etc. etc. etc.



Anyways, I have come to realize that some of my obsession is coming from the fact that I have anxiety and I use food as a comfort. So what is causing the anxiety? That is an interesting question. I have come to realize that part of my problem isn’t me. It is my husband. He is always commenting to me about what I eat, how often I’m hungry, how I don’t exercise or the way I choice to exercise. The reality is, he is causing me more harm than good. So, the bigger question is, what am I going to do about it?



Here is the breakthrough. Today, I went to get some lunch about 11:45 am, and my husband said to me: “You can’t possibly be hungry already, you just ate.” This instantly upset me because it is a repeated theme for him to hurt my feelings. I decided to step away from the situation for a minute. I went upstairs and I thought about it. I ensured that I was in fact hungry, but at this point I was also angry. I couldn’t eat angry and with all this frustration built up within me because I would make poor diet decisions, so I decided to confront my husband. I told him, “Your comments are wrong. Your comments are unacceptable and hurtful. I told him he is causing me anxiety.” I made him aware that what I choice to eat and when I eat is my decision and not his decision. I am in charge of what I eat. He blew me off as he has in the past. I need to find a way to break through with him. Any advice????




What I ate today:

Breakfast
1 1/2 cups of coffee w/ Vanilla Caramel creamer; 1 Banana ; 1/2 of a Cin-Raisin Bagel with IBNC

Lunch
Romaine Lettuce Salad with Red Peppers, Cucumbers, Carrots, Mexican Cheese and Ranch Dressing; H20

Snack
1 Fortune Cookie (it was hidden in my desk); H2O

Dinner
Romaine Lettuce Salad (same as above, but w/ Lite House Italian Dressing); Pasta; H2O

Evening

Cup of Decaf Tea; Graham Cracker (1 full)

Total 974 Calories, and I'm hungry!

I didn't make it to the gym today because well I was too darn tired this morning. I don't feel bad about not going to the gym today since I went to a yoga retreat all last weekend and I went to Yoga on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday night. I think I had enough exercise for the week, but I will be up in the morning to go hit the elliptical and hit the weights.